goodbye soul...?

i've been lamenting for some time now the death of my creative soul. i suspected it for some time but now, i confirm it.

i just can't. can't for the life of me pick up a pencil when it used to come so naturally...i ransacked my room last night, in search of proof of a person who used to express herself so liberally on paper with a few strokes of the pencil...i found my sketchbook of seoul...in it were sketches of the wild woods outside of seoul...memories of a days spent enjoying the fresh spice filled air of korea...

the last time i wrote a short except...the last trace that my mind used to flow with colourful images...in February 2006.

that was the year i took off...literally..took off...

i hate what i've become. really i do.

it's not that i'm unhappy, but sometimes i wonder if i've put a part of me to sleep, never to awake. the part of me that lived, that sung, that drew, that gained inspiration from the colours of life...

"Mind Like Water" Simile

I was in the library yesterday checking out books on ASEAN governance. Totally work related, of course, when i stumbled across a book titled 'Getting Things Done- How to Achieve Stress-free Productivity'.

My fragile state of mind yelled desperately to my lethargic physical being telling me to pick it up. The quote from the guardian stated on the cover 'Allen's (the author) ideas are nothin short of life-changing'. As something life-changing was something i desperately needed to help get my life together, i added the book to the heavy pile of books.

I managed to browse through it this morning on the way to work and found this excerpt terribly inspiring.

The "Mind Like Water Simile":

'In karate there is an image that's used to define the position of perfect readiness: "mind like water." Imagine throwing a pebble into a still pond. How does the water respond? The answer is, totally appropriately to the force and mass of the input; then it returns to calm. It doesn't overreach or underreact...

Anything that causes you to overreach or underreach can control you, and often does. Responding appropriately to your email, your staff, your projects, your unread magazines, your thoughts about what you need to do, your children or your boss will lead to less effective reaulsts than you'd like. Most lead to less effective results than you'd like. Most people give either more or less attention to things than they deserve, simply because they don't operate with a "mind like water".'

(Excerpt from Getting Things Done- How to Achieve Stress-free Productivity by David Allen, USA by Viking of the Penguin Grup, 2006)

I'll tell you when i finish reading the book, and maybe you can assess whether i've managed to train my mind to operate with "mind like water". =)

missing san diego...

i miss san diego... 9 days there was enough to convert me. i'm definitely going to look for a job there sometime... i love love love the weather, sunny but cool...i absolutely love the people who are laid back, friendly and have the sunniest dispositions (i must be the weather) and i love the traffic. cars actually slow down when they see that you're going to cross the road! aw mi gawd....yeesh.... and i also headed to LA where on the normal streets people drive at an average of 50km/h...when i got back and got into the passenger seat of my crazy most impatient husband-to-be...my heart almost leapt out of my chest and onto the hurried streets of the TPE.

anyway, i was in San diego for the American Society for Training and Development International Conference and Exhibition and boy was it fabulous. I attended a 3-day training certificate programme which basically was a workshop to help me become a better trainer and i had a fabulous time. I had really great course-mates from all walks of life in the states, and 3 from Kuwait, 1 from Saudi.

Check out this clip of one of our...'what not to do as a presenter' video... =)

Also- check out the some sights of lovely San Diego...

the marina and freeport village

lovely lovely balboa park

March me men birthdays....

it's the boys birthdays this march...

my lovely beau's is today...

and my darling not so small kitty kat's birthday falls on the same day as my fathers...18th!

i slaved over a surprise birthday cake for iman last night...was up till 2 this morning...some of his kids are allergic to eggs, so i made an eggless chocolate cake with chocoloate ganache topped with MnMs for the kids...

isn't it just cute... it's pretty yummy too...


it's strange though that i'm more excited about his birthday than he is! LOL..i'm such a sucker for birthdays...

oooh it's also bujang's birthday...he's grown so big over the year...and turned out sooo handsome.. we love him soo much, and i think mum would go nuts without him! ..by the way, he's a pedigree cat- a British shorthair. He's not a show quality, but he's still gorgeous i think. I've never had a pedigree cat, but really there's a huge difference in how they behave. Bujang is definitely a beautiful well-behaved lap cat!

see how cute?

Bujang about at 3 months.

Bujang almost 1 year old lazing on my mom's lap

A great profile of my handsome silver tabby british shorthair

happy birthday sayangs

been so long...

i haven't blogged in quite awhile..
a little busy..
a little lazy...
a little uninspired...
but i think i'll start to do it again..

i guess i miss just sharing my thoughts, ideas and feelings...

I've been baking more...which is great great great...
baked new year pineapple tarts and also valentine day cookies...

i've also found a baking partner in iman.. =)

i'm not in the midst of planning a high tea for my brunch kakis...
that's my 1st quarter workplan in my personal life..yeah!

Rantings from an ALMOST mad woman!

I have been really awfully stressed out of late...

Monday nights are always always blissful when I go for my 8.50pm Body Balance Class at the Orchard Gym...a mix of yoga, pilates and taiji always manages to calm me down...get my breathing centered...and after the nice relaxing ten-minute meditation part of the 1 hour class...I feel really zen-like...

So last night...as I sauntered out of the gym...I thought to myself...let's take the bus home..then i can sit down and enjoy the ride instead of being squashed in the MRT.

i thought wrong!

i found myself a seat, and was relaxed for ten minutes before a packful of idiotic teenagers got on the already fully bus (by then)....and talked at the top of their voices, squealed and shrieked everytime the bus swayed, or stop a little abruptly.

It took all the energy in me to stay quiet and NOT shout at them! I really thought I'd completely lose it if had burst out

"Can't you please reign in your pre-pubscent hormones and just SHUT UP and KEEP STILL!
I know all of you are completely enthused by bein out after 10pm on a MONDAY night because you are on holiday BUT there are some of us who have had a LONG LONG day and just need a LITTLE BIT OF PEACE AND QUIET AT THE END OF THE DAY!"...

sigh....

i almost threw myself out of the glass panel at the side of the bus...going completely berserk!

I need a holiday...sigh

happy happy birthday!

it's my birthday today! my favourite day of the year.... =)

i was a little worried that my birthday would truly suck this year as i was feeling very very down last week because of work-stress and the general fatigue from all the travelling i've been doing recently. BUT BUT BUT...my mood has picked up very much...i'm starting to wear colours again!
with me...how i dress reflects my mood. I wore a rich royal purple dress on Monday, bright green cardigan with gorgeous green earrings yesterday, and today I'm wearing a brand new satin striped white shirt with a gorgeous wrap-around bow thingee around my waist...and my lovely new Aerosoles wedges..and i feel like a million bucks!

My dad sent me to work today! so i feel like a princess worth a million bucks! and hey! somebody called me princess today- he hasn't done it for a long while. so it was nice...

this year's birthday was strange though...i bumped into one ex at the gym last night...one ex emailed me his birthday wishes today...and another pseudo-ex texted me this morning...makes me happy....that all the significant people in my life are still around, reachable, etc. I'd feel a little empty otherwise...

btw..i feel a year younger today! FABULOUS!

one of those days...

i'm having one of those days... no weeks...
my heart feels heavy... and i really need to focus on breathing...
lest the invisible dam of tears break...
and floods my soul with grief...

so irritating

photo courtesy of brommel. check out his other other great insights into life in Pakistan and in Manila. his photos are hilarious!

i spent another week in Lahore. It was pleasant, except the day of my departure, when i was stuck at the airport lounge with a 26 year old protocol officer who has really traditional ideas about women, work and politics.

i took all the patience in me not to stand up and slap him. i don't know what started it, but we started talking about women in the workforce. he made his stand pretty clear, that he didn't like the idea of women working, and no wife of his should have to work. he must be able to support his entire family. his wife's duties towards him would certainly be affected if she had to work and so that must not be- no honourable Muslim man should see his wife out and about, mingling freely with other men. It is not the Muslim way. He also proclaimed, that Islam teaches us that our women should not be allowed to work, etc. etc. When i said that the prophet's wife was a businesswoman, he retorted that she worked from home. Of course he supported himself by saying that all the Muslim 'saints'- the imam's at the mosque- teach everybody this.

Oh did i mention, at home, they do not allow their sisters or mother's to watch movies or listen to music, because it's not morally healthy for them to be exposed to all the love scenes etc.

Bloody hell! I was close to slapping him about 10 times during this conversation. Soo irritating!

it's not safe...

i was working on my laptop in the comforts of my cool hotel room when the phone rang...

S: Miss Iva, it is Sher Afghan.
I: Hello Sher, is anything the matter?
S: Yes, Mr Sumbal has requested for me to inform you that you should not leave the hotel unaccompanied. In light of the security situation, he has instructed that you should not travel around Lahore, except in the office vehicle.
I: I see. Thank you very much.
S: The van will be at your disposal. Please just inform me of where you would like to go, and I will arrange for the drive to pick you up and send you.
I: I know that there was a bomb blast 2 nights ago in Islamabad, but did anything else just occur?
S: Yes, Miss. There were more bomb blasts in Karachi today. Even though the bomb occurences were very far from Lahore, we think it is important to take precautionary measures.
I: I understand. Thank you.

BBC: Dozens killed in Pakistan blast (5 min ago)

staying out of islamabad

arrived in lahore last night...and we had planned to drive up to Bhurban where the workshop retreat was going to be conducted. Bhurban is a hill station about 3 hours above Islamabad. We would have had to drive through Islamabad to get to Bhurban.

I was really looking forward to this trip. Even lugged the big camera along with me, with great hope to see more of the north of Pakistan. Our initial plans were to stop in Islamabad on the way home, to meet with some organisations there. But we scrapped the plan last week, after the goings-on in the Lal Masjeed (Red Mosque). Then when some government offices were attacked, and the chinese visitors were kidnapped, we decided not to stop by Islamabad. But Lahore was still on, and so was Bhurban.

Received a call when i was going through immigration at the Allama Iqbal International Airport in Lahore last night. Bhurban was OFF. The Punjab gov called off the meeting, in fear of the latest developments. The siege at the Lal Masjeed, plus the end of the truce deal in the North-west Frontier. If violence breaks out in the North, and the repercussions were felt in Islamabad, we risked being stuck in Bhurban.

That wasn't a risk that the gov here was going to take. So i'm stuck in lahore for the next week...no Bhurban..sniff...maybe in Winter, if things slow down...

The situation

Not in our name

An article in Today by Asim Siddique, chairman of the City Circle, a network of young British Muslim professionals, which organises weekly public forums to debate issues of mutual concern between British Muslim communities and the wider society.

It is worth reading.... excerpts below...

NOT IN OUR NAME
Blaming foreign policy not the answer. Where are Muslim marches in revulsion against acts of terrors in Islam's name?

"The events of the last few days (terror attacks in Britain) have been sobering for all" ...


...." Diverting attention from the problems within the Muslim communities and blaming others- especially the West- is always more popular than the difficult task of self-scrutiny"....


...." And what part of UK foreign policy do the Islamist want the UK to change to tackle terrorism? Withdrawal from Iraq?"....


..." Even after British troops leave Iraq will these Mulsim groups be satisfied? of course not. Their list of grievances is endless: Afghanistan, Chechnya, Kashmir, Palestine, Burma...s long as the world is presented as one where the West is forever at war with Islam and Muslims there is nothing we can do to appease the terrorists and those who share their world view. Instead it is the extremist world view that must change"...


..."Where is their outrage at the 400 000 Muslims slaughtered in Darfu?"...


..."It is nowhere to be seen because the Darfurians have been masscred by fellow Muslims, not by the West. Hence it does not appear on the Islamist radar screen as 'grievance'. Such is the moral bankruptcy of this ideology"...


..."The radical Islamist ideology needs to be exposed to young Muslims for what it really is. A tool for the introduction of a medieval form of government that describes itself as an 'Islamic State' that is violent, retrogressive, discriminatory, a perversion of the sacred texts and a totalitarion dictatorship"...


..." What is required is for those that claim to represent and have influence among young British Muslims to proactively counter the extremist Islamic narrative."

i'm feeling hungry...

brought the family out to carousel...eaten there several times...since it's almost MFA's canteen and we're always hosting ppl there...but i thought it'll be a nice treat for the family...especially since it was mum's birthday....the food's not bad...better than when it was Cafe Vienna!

lovely red red roses

Ibu's birthday

Ayah's lovely conconction

i love love love salmon sashimi, especially in abundance


laksa wasn't too bad either


see food....seafood


the birthday girl's birthday cake...


look at the attap chees....

Britain's GOT talent

the concept was brilliant. it was everything American Idol isn't and will never be. 'Britain's Got Talent' is a talent show which is open to all, and allows just anyone the chance to win the top prize of performing for the Queen at the Royal Variety Special which is an annual affair.

What I love about the show?
1. the 9 back to back show concept: it managed to gain the interest of the entire nation, without it running out of steam. 9 days of pure packed exhiliration about Britain's talents!

2. the opportunity to see all walks of British life

3. Ant and Dec: they were witty and hilarious

4. actually intelligent judging from Piers, Amanda and Simon: this was so not- American 'Dawg' and rubbish bimbotic Paula Boobs jingling

5. real, unassuming talents

6. and GREAT GREAT BRITISH HUMOUR!


Simon Cowell was so likeable in this show. I kept telling ewan- 'it's probably because the English are so much more tolerable!'

My favourite won..... Paul Potts. And amazing mobile car salesman who is a true Operatic genius. He was just so likeable and unassuming! And oh my god, talented! His audition show was THE BEST! (i'm so getting his album when it comes out)

And i loved the Bar Wizards too. They were a bar juggling act. Their music was good, cheoreography was exciting...but most of all they were about FUN!



Let's hope Star World, AXN or TCS brings this show to Singapore cos it's really a great show!

ADB

I spent most of last week at ADB.

The building was a massive fortress, with an intricate maze of offices which kept me going round in circles. It succeeded in making me feel completely lost and out of place.

It was an intimidating time for me. The meetings were very taxing as I was kept on my toes by ADB officers most of whom were equipped with at least a PhD and 10 years of experience in developing countries under their belt. I felt totally ill-equipped. As i shared with a friend- I sometimes still feel like a young undergraduate with no or little responsibilities, and to be taken seriously as a subject matter expert and international consultant, was a responsibility that made me question my abilities and capabilities every step of the way.

It didn't help that my brown bag presentation was at the end of the trip, so each meeting made me review my slides, and rethink my position, question my hypothesis and ponder endlessly on the questions that would result. It was like preparing for my honours thesis presentation all over again.

An interesting incident was when I came into a meeting late, shook the hands of an ADB officer, and he said ," We've met before". My mind raced, trying to locate this person in my history. Looking at him hard, i remembered that I had a professor who looked very much like him, my eyes searched for his name ID and I realised it was Dr Bhatta- first semester NUS Undergrad, Introduction to Political Science. That was in 1998. Almost 10 years ago. He taught me for a semester and left right after for NZ. Who'd have thought I'd meeting him almost 10 years later. And who'd have thought he would have remembered me!

The rest of the meeting was terribly frigtening and challenging. I felt that he was scrutinising my performance, pouring over my every word assessing whether 'this one' had made the cut- whether I was a good product or a disaster from the system.

It was a harrowing time. But also a comletely exhilirating one.

Btw, I nailed my presentation. And was able to field the questions reasonably well, enough for me to say that I was pleased with myself.

June 2007- ADB Brown Bag Presentation and Meetings- one more major milestone for me!

manila.

another quick update.

things have been like this of late. quick. short. fast. updates. not like the jams i found myself stuck in while in Manila. lucky for us, we stayed at Discovery Suites which was only a stone's throw away from ADB. which meant less time spent whiling away my precious seconds stuck in traffic.

i'll post more photos as soon as i get my hands on my camera- which iman very happily kept with him.

do check out brommel
he's got great photos and insights of life in Manila.

till then....

quick update

i've been terribly busy.

just wanted to recommend Sano Bar- this Lebanese restaurant at One Fullerton. Was introduced to it for work and just keep going back there as I've made friends with the entertainment manager cum belly dancer. She's HOT! not just in looks but she's a fabulous belly dancer! I brought Iman out there with my colleagues and we had a fabulous time. It's fine dining so it's a little atas. but the food- especially the lamb chops are excellent. check it out!

i'm going back to Lahore soon. and there's a bird-flu out-break in Islamabad! yikes. i wonder how many unreported cases there are in the country?

barbie super-physicist!

Was surprised to hear this morning on the news about the Guidelines on Fair Employment Practices by the Tripartite Alliance for Fair Employment Practices. The news quoted that Halimah Yaacob said that this was to avoid practices of discrimination in the workplace. So employers should not ask about age, sex, marital status etc. when recruiting.

This was interesting.

We're looking at an effort to protect people from being unfairly treated on the basis of factors such as race and age, which really doesn't have any direct impact on their probable or potential performance. Although sometimes there are good reasons for wanting to recruit a chinese speaking candidate based on the demands of the work, so the guidelines spelt out very clearly that the reason behind the application criteria must be spelt out clearly.

I liked this paragraph:
" Race
Race should not be a criterion for the selection of job candidates as multi-racialism is a fundamental principle in Singapore. Selection based on race is unacceptable and job advertisements should not feature phrases like "chinese preferred" or "malay preferred".

I liked it as I've never read an advertisement with the phrase "malay preferred". Neither have I read one with "Indian preferred". But well, including the phrase "malay preferred" certainly makes the paragraph LOOK more multi racial.

I think iman will be happy too. As words or phrases which show a particular preference for a certain gender should not be used, such as "female working environment". I liked this- women are not the only ones who face gender discrimination. Iman's faced it, as they're not accustomed to having men in the early childhood industry, and some kindergartens have stressed that they are an all female working environment.

check out the guidelines here

However, with all this emphasis on protecting the applicant, it does seem as if the employer will have less choice? Or maybe not? I'm sure some employers would like to know whether a lady their employing is planning to have kids. I mean if you hire a woman you didn't know was gonna be pregnant in 2 months, and disappear away for a 3 month maternity leave, that would be tough on the bottom line. I know mega orgs won't have that much a problem, but how about our SMEs?

I suppose the intent is well and good. And it brings an awareness to people that they may be discriminating sub-conciously. I know when i was hiring, I threw out a handful of women's application based on their photographs that make them look like barbie doll bimbos who'd have trouble spelling the word 'cat'! With no photographs, maybe their resume would get them through the door, but would that still stop employers from throwing their application into the shredder after?

I'm sure that will still happen. But at least, they'd have a better chance getting through the door. Just like Ugly Betty- chances are better if they get through the door and have an opportunity to say something that would make us realise that an unattractive girl can be brainy and capable, or in my case, a Barbie doll look-a-like can be nuclear physicists too...although i don't know of any just yet...

startling lessons

i learnt a couple of new things regarding Punjab (Pakistan) while I was there...

There is a potential of 15 Billion dollars worth of trade between Pakistan and China. Currently the trade dollars amount to 5 Billion dollars only.

The economy has been growing at a steady rate of 8 to 9% anually for the last 5 years.

Poverty reduction has been reduced by 15% for the last 5 years and will reach the Millenium Development Goals by 2013, and by 2015 the poverty rate would be reduced to a single percentage digit.

Some startling facts:

85% of solid wastes in Punjab is not disposed of properly

Only 58% of Punjab have proper toilet facilities. And in some cases the toilets are used to store grain like wheat as there is poor irrigation and drainage facilities, and most of these toilets have no access to water and are too dry to be used, except as a handy storage area.

48% of hospital patients are treated for waterborne diseases

Only 48% of Punjab residents wash their hands before eating.

Only 58% wash their hands after using the lavatory.

And most shocking:

85% of baby deliveries/births are conducted by un-trained mid-wives.

Maternal Mortality is very very high in Pakistan. 1 in 120 women are victims of Maternal Mortality.

And...

Untrained midwives have been known to inject women with an injection meant for cattle to induce delivery. Obviously the injection is not suitable, and often is too strong causing the uterus to rupture almost immediately.

the next time you call a woman a fat cow...think about it a little.

guns and bobby

i was pretty disturbed about this entire Virginia tech massacre...when i left for Lahore last Saturday...i was still thinking about it...and spent my time on the aircraft mulling over articles on 'The Economist' edition on 'America's tragedy'.

The article discussed the assault-weapon ban which President Bill Clinton approved in 1994 (covering semi-automatic rifles plus high capacity magazines for handguns). The year before, the Democrats passed a bill imposing a requirement for background check. 'But the democrats believe they paid a high price for their courage: losing the House of Representatives in 1994 and the presidency in 2000. Bush has caused it to be much worse- he's let the assault weapon ban lapse.

The interesting thing the article pointed out, though, was that Americans are increasingly becoming more uncomfortable about gun possession, although they don't support a complete ban on weapons as there are too many weapons are out there already, and most of the public feel the need to own one to defend themselves.

I think strict gun-controls are a must. It would, at least, restrict access of young children/adults to guns.

I also watched Bobby on Krisworld. And the movie certainly struck a chord with me on the topic of my last entry. My favourite quote from the movie, and from his speech at the California Primaries...the last speech...before his assasination..

' Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our souls.'
-Robert F Kennedy, Speech in Ohio, 05 April 1968